You know that feeling when you realise you’re client is on a roller coaster ride with their life?

As their therapist, you’re on that ride with them - one minute you’re up and there’s not a cloud in the sky. You’re excited with them – their life is about to change and all that hard work the two of you have put in is starting to pay off! The future you’ve been envisioning for them is within your grasp!

But by the next session they’re lurched into yet another crisis, and your stomach’s dropping as you plummet back down into the mire of crisis and despair.

If your client is someone who regularly lurches between ups and downs, peace and drama, smooth sailing and disaster, read on, because I’ve got a few things to say about dramas, rollercoaster rides, and storms. Warning: we’re about to switch metaphors from roller coasters to storms . . .

Sailing into emotional storms

Many times clients have lamented as they’ve explained the latest crisis to dominate their lives. And often, they’ll finish with something like, I knew it was going to end like this, or everything in my life always turns bad.

And my ears prick up. If they saw it coming, why did they go there in the first place?

Often the crisis evolves from trying to help someone. Instead of putting their own needs first then attending to the needs of others, these people are likely to pour their energy into trying to rescue someone else’s ship that’s hit the rocks.

And then they go down with that ship.

No one ends up being rescued, there’s a terrible mess to clean up afterwards, and it takes an enormous toll on personal resources and energy levels.

If only they’d radioed for help when they first saw the ship heading towards the rocks, instead of jumping into those stormy seas without a life raft and trying to save everyone from a crisis that had nothing to do with them in the first place . . .

Recognizing the choices

(And continuing the stormy sea metaphor).

When the client has reached the bottom on that trough over the latest crisis, and a level of calm has ensued, where all the crap has been laid out in the room and we’re both sitting together surveying the wreckage, I might embark on my stormy sea metaphor.

The idea is to help them recognize that they have a choice NOT to leap into turbulent seas – an option they may never have considered before.

It goes something like this:

Picture yourself on the bow of a ship sailing out to sea. It’s late afternoon, the sun’s setting, the sea is calm, and there’s no land in sight.

As you look out, you realise there’s a storm on the horizon. It looks dark and menacing. The storm is directly on your course.

You’ve got a decision to make: turn around and head for safe harbour - but you won’t get to your planned destination that day. Or plot a course around the storm, which will delay your arrival time. Or ignore the warnings signs and head straight for that storm,

What are you going to do?

My clients often laugh as they admit that their instinct is to head for the storm instead of going around or turning back. They’re attracted to the storm, they always sail through storms and suffer the consequences, and besides, it looks like it will be the fastest way to get where they’re going.

But it won’t be fast, will it? Not if they lose their mast, split a sail, or take on too much water.

The skill here, is to firstly acknowledge that there IS a storm ahead.

Then secondly, recognise they have choices.

And thirdly, make a different choice to the one they always make - if they’re ready to make changes in their life.

Making a different decision

Sure, they can sail straight into that storm. And they’ll be likely to be sent straight (back) into crisis mode where they’re struggling to cope and get tossed into the jagged rocks of despair and chaos.

Or, they can choose to make a different decision. Put their needs first and look after what’s important to them. And of course, looking after themselves has the amazing fallout effect of looking after the people they care about – family and friends who are so often washed up onto the beach with all the other wreckage after these storms, but long for a life of calm waters.

What’s your experience of sailing stormy seas with your clients?